Toilet training: a calm Australian guide

Toilet training is one of the few parenting milestones with a clear finish line: a child who uses the toilet independently. Getting there is rarely a straight line. Some children are dry in a weekend. Others take months, have accidents at childcare, or master wees but not poos.

The most useful thing you can do is stop treating it as a race. Readiness, consistency and a calm response matter more than the method.

When is a child ready?#

Most children show signs of readiness somewhere between 18 months and three years, and many are ready around two to three years. Some are earlier, some later. Readiness is not about intelligence or obedience.

Signs your child may be ready:

• dry nappies for two hours or more
• telling you when they have done a wee or poo, or going quiet and hiding to poo
• interest in watching you or siblings use the toilet
• being able to walk, sit and get up from a potty
• pulling pants up and down with some help
• disliking a wet or dirty nappy
• asking to use the toilet or potty
• following simple instructions and understanding "wee" and "poo"

Some children show all these signs at 20 months; others at three and a half. If your child is not showing them, wait a few weeks and try again. A child who is not ready will often resist sitting, hold on, or become distressed — which makes everyone miserable.

Setting up#

You do not need much equipment:

• a potty or a toilet insert with a step
• loose, easy-to-pull-down clothes
• spare underwear, pants and socks
• a small reward or sticker chart if you want one
• a step for hand washing
• patience and a sense of humour

Put the potty somewhere accessible and familiar, such as the bathroom or the playroom. Let your child sit on it fully clothed at first, then with a nappy, then without. Read a book, sing a song or just chat. The goal is normalising the potty, not producing a result.

A practical approach#

There are many methods, including intensive "no nappy" weekends and slow, child-led approaches. The right one is the one your family can sustain.

A calm, middle-of-the-road approach:

1. Pick a start date when you can be home for a few days. Avoid a day when you have a long car trip or a big outing.
2. Put your child in underwear or loose pants during the day. Some families use naked time at home for the first few days. Use a nappy for sleeps at first.
3. Take your child to the potty at predictable times. After waking, after meals, before leaving the house and before bath. Sit for a few minutes, not a forced marathon.
4. Praise the effort. "You sat on the potty. Well done." If they do a wee or poo, acknowledge it calmly. Do not throw a party that makes poo feel like a performance.
5. Handle accidents without shame. "Oops, wee goes in the potty. Let's clean up and try again." Help them change, then move on.
6. Teach hygiene. Wipe front to back, flush, wash hands. Help with wiping until they can manage.
7. Keep the routine going at childcare. Ask the educators how they handle toileting and share your approach.

Some children do better with a timer or a visual schedule. Some respond to a sticker chart. Some want to use the toilet like a parent. Follow your child's interest.

What not to do#

• Do not punish accidents. A child who is shamed for wetting is more likely to hide it or hold on.
• Do not force a child to sit for long periods. A few minutes is enough.
• Do not start and stop repeatedly in the same week. It is confusing. If you pause, make it a clear break and try again later.
• Do not make a child clean up as a punishment. They can help clean up as part of the routine, without shame.
• Do not compare your child to a sibling or a friend. It adds pressure and does not speed anything up.
• Do not ignore constipation. A hard poo can make a child afraid to go, which can lead to withholding and accidents.

Poos, withholding and constipation#

Many children master wees before poos. Poos can feel scary, especially if a child has had a painful one. A child who is constipated may hold on, which makes the poo harder and more painful — a cycle that is hard to break without treatment.

Signs of constipation:

• hard, dry or pellet-like poo
• straining or pain
• going less often than usual
• tummy pain
• withholding — crossing legs, clenching, hiding or refusing to sit
• accidents of soft or liquid poo, which can leak around a blockage

If you suspect constipation or withholding, see your GP. Do not rely on punishment, extra fruit or a bigger potty. Treatment often includes a stool softener or laxative for a period of time, plus toilet routines. This is a medical issue, not a behaviour problem.

Our guide to baby constipation explains the signs, the toilet posture that helps and when to get medical advice.

Night training#

Night dryness is a different skill. It depends on bladder capacity, hormone levels and sleep. Many children are dry at night months or years after they are dry by day. Some are still wetting at five, six or seven.

What helps:

• keep the daytime routine consistent
• offer the toilet before bed
• use a waterproof mattress protector
• keep a night light near the toilet
• do not wake your child repeatedly to toilet them unless a doctor advises it
• do not punish or shame bedwetting

Bedwetting is common and usually resolves with time. See your GP if your child is seven or older and still wetting at night, if they start wetting again after being dry for months, if they have pain or straining, or if they are extremely thirsty and passing a lot of urine. These can be signs of constipation, a urinary tract infection or another medical issue.

Toilet training and childcare#

Childcare can help or complicate toilet training. Ask:

• How do educators support toileting?
• Are there regular toilet times?
• What happens if my child has an accident?
• Do they use a potty, insert or toilet?
• How do they manage nappy changes for children who are still learning?
• What should I pack?

A consistent approach between home and childcare makes a big difference. If your child is starting childcare soon, you may want to wait until they are settled before starting toilet training.

Common mistakes#

• Starting too early. Readiness beats a deadline.
• Using punishment or shame. It causes hiding and withholding.
• Expecting night dryness at the same time as day dryness. They are different skills.
• Ignoring constipation. It is a common cause of accidents and withholding.
• Giving up after one bad day. Progress is rarely linear.
• Making it a power struggle. Offer choices and keep the tone light.
• Forgetting hygiene. Wiping front to back and hand washing matter.

When to get help#

See your GP or child and family health nurse if:

• your child is not dry by day by around age four
• your child has pain, bleeding, straining or suspected constipation
• your child holds on and refuses to poo
• your child has accidents after being reliably trained for months
• your child has a fever, pain when weeing, or is weeing much more often
• your child is seven or older and still wetting the bed
• toilet training is causing significant distress for your child or family

If your child has a seizure, is unresponsive or has severe abdominal pain, call 000.

The bottom line#

Toilet training works best when you follow readiness, keep the process calm and treat accidents as information rather than failure. Set up the potty, build a routine, praise effort and get help for constipation or persistent problems. Night dryness will come in its own time. Your child will not go to school in a nappy because you waited a few extra weeks.

For the behaviour side of toddler power struggles, read our toddler tantrums guide. If your child is about to start care or school, our guides to choosing childcare and starting school cover what to ask.